What is Faith?

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. ~ Hebrews 11:1

Friday, May 21, 2010

I Am a Recovering Pharisee

Judge not and ye shall not be judged; condemn and ye shall not be condemned; forgive and ye shall be forgiven. ~ Luke 6:37

In my 22 year walk with God by my side, I realize that more often that not I try to "fix" things. I have a strong sense of justice which so many of us do. My sense though may not be all that common.

My appetite to right the world of its wrongs, heal every wound, point out every injustice, has at times, gotten me into trouble; once in a blue moon caused great physical harm; and upon occasion cost me a friend.

Once upon a time in my youth, I would think nothing of coming between a woman and a crow bar wielding angry man; a Rottweiler and a mini poodle; a son and his fist brandishing father. Being much older, heavier and wiser (?) I may no longer run after the villains of the world, but I do still take them on. Poverty is the marauder I fight today.

I am discovering on this journey nonetheless, that in my zealousness to set the world right, I am powerless to do so. In my arrogance, I thought I had all of the answers. I was wrong.

I remember well what it was like to have someone look down on you and to be accused of a falsehood. It felt horrible and me fee that much more alone. that much more worthless.

I am out here on this walk to do the right thing for the homeless, yet I have made a grievous error. I was informed yesterday that something I thought was a lie and wrote about in Wednesday's blog, turned out to be the truth. I spent a sleepless night last evening, for my spirit would not allow me to rest until I corrected this wrong, that I have committed.

As the conversation of three nights past turned to the macabre, I turned to judgment. For this I must apologize and beg forgiveness. To the horrific discovery of family and friends, someone did in fact take his life at the rest stop I had been staying. So as was pointed out so graciously by another total stranger but one who I must believe, the "creepy guy" may not have been so creepy at all.

It is my sincere hopes that I run into this man again, for although I have already deleted the blog in which I judged him openly and harshly, I do believe apologies must be given face to face. In the mean time, I hope those of you who read this blog faithfully will continue to do so. This trip is a learning experience for all and I would hate to think that my insensitive actions have caused any of you harm.

After 22 years, I am thankful that I have a God who loves me enough to teach me through the gentle admonishment of others that I am still a recovering Pharisee.

Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone. ~ John 8:7

1 comment:

Jeannena said...

Thank you sharing the poignant lessons that you are relearning. It was a great reminder to me, and I thank you for sharing the whole story.
You are in my prayers.